Quick Tips Poem by Suburban Lovechild

Try a brisk walk at night,
Igniting fire through ice,
It might burn, bite or beat you,
But you'll swear it feels nice.

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Stare back at a stranger,
If their look starts to burn,
You'll notice their angst,
Once they know it's your turn.

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Don't reach to extinguish,
Your ignited tobacco,
Across dinners or drinks,
As ashes fall in de facto.

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Two drunks at a bar,
If smarmy, cheap males,
Will cease to exist,
By all mammals or females.

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If you guzzle or sip,
It goes down just the same,
And the only true difference:
The length of your game.

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Don't drink and drive,
You can't go very far,
Because the door you can't open,
Psst, isn't your car.

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Have sex with a friend,
Maybe two, three or four,
If you don't, someone might,
And next time, they'll ignore.

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Ask Marco, wine guru,
If it tastes good or bad,
The next you select,
You'll ferment, just a tad.

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If you smoke on the job,
Remember to render,
The air, clean and free,
Before returning to sender.

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When two lesbians chat,
They display their demeanor,
Without reference or rapture,
For your decadent wiener.

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Pouring more than you drink,
Is considered a virtue,
Because reversing osmosis,
Can only just hurt you.

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If you're gay and you know it,
Show those not, some respect,
Keep it reverent and subtle,
Spare us all when erect.


(12/30/01, Cafe 123 'Una De Tois',44th Street, NYC)