Thursday, October 29, 2015

Revenge - The Gypsy's Curse Comments

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The ice hung from the station building at Dachau camp
The sun struggled to light the scene in the wet and damp
In the distance a steam train whistle blows announcing its arrival
As the SS guards stamp their feet in their cold revival
...
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Paul Warren
COMMENTS
Brian Mayo 29 October 2015

The gypsy's curse, being an integral part of the poem, lacked poetic gypsy flavor and should also be accented with quotation marks- -Create a stanza for her- -give her a voice. Cool idea for a poem, and not too shabby.

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Douglas Scotney 29 October 2015

'opened up' is enough without the 'on', Paul

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Paul Warren

Paul Warren

ADELAIDE, SOUTH AUSTRALIA
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