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Thursday, October 15, 2020

Rollercoaster

I am hurting.

I'm hurting like crazy.
I know you are too, but you are suppressing it with alcohol and weed.

I know your eyes are way too tired.

I know you like to show that you moved on, I know in your heart you haven't.

I know you think about me daily.

I wish you would not have blocked me and would be willing to talk it out so that we both could get closure.

I know you love me. I know you are resenting me right now, but you still love me.

I know that is not enough for me.

I know I deserve better.

I know I was treated extremely unfairly.

I know it wasn't just once.

I know the unfair treatment triggered crazy overreactions in me.

I know I should apologize.

I apologize. I know that my wounds and the reactions they cause are my responsibility. Even when they are inflicted by you.

I know you miss me.

I know you have somebody else.

I know she might try her best, but will never compare.

I know her touch is not enough.

I know you want her to magically turn into me.

I know you just want to be happy.

I know you picked the wrong way to do that.

I know that one day you will tell me the same stories about her craziness that you now tell her about me.

I know you miss my lips.

I know you miss how I cried on your shoulder in your embrace.

I know you would like to treat me like one of your demons and just sweep me under the rug.

I know I will not stay under a rug.

I know I was born to shine.

I know you know you will destroy her.

I know you know it will be soon.

I know you are trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

I hope it was enjoyable for a moment at least.

I hope it was worth it.

I hope it was worth my pain.

I hope it was worth your pain.

I know you build me up in your head to be somebody to hate.

I know you cannot hate me.

I know you cannot stand the thought of us being separated forever.

I know you wish you did it differently.

I know sometimes you wish you never left.

I know you miss Texi.

I know he misses you too.

I know you know you gave up your true happiness.

I know you are punishing yourself now.

I know that you cannot stand the thought of somebody else touching my naked body.

I know you cannot stand the image of somebody else on top of me.

I know you cannot stand the image of another penis invading your territory.

I know you accuse me of many things.

I know you know most of them are just figments of your imagination, created in order to make you feel better.

I know I have many faults and made many mistakes.

I know you know the difference between my actual and imagined downfalls.

I know you hear me in music.

I know some songs hurt so deep.

I know some songs retraumatize you.

I know you don't believe me that I forgave you for leaving.

I know you feel like you don't deserve to be forgiven.

I forgave you. And I forgave you again for that other shady shit.

I know you don't believe me.

I know I act out.

I know you know that's out of hurt.

I know you know that's not who I truly am.

I know that all I want is to end this pain.

I know I can't do it alone.

I know I need your help.

I know I need your help.

I know I need your help.



I know you're hurting.

I know you're hurting like crazy.
Poetry Freak
Topic(s) of this poem: break up,dark,emotions,heart,heartache,hurt,love,sexuality
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