I was sitting on my sofa
On Christmas eve
My children were in bed
They were all fast asleep
I was watching TV
And having some treats
When I drank the eggnog
And it happened to me
My stomach started grumbling
And rumbling around
It began swelling up
Like putting on pounds
I thought, I’ll wash it down
With a sip of my cheer
But it tasted bad
What is happening here!
I tried it again
Tasted like something died
So out my window I screamed
Oh No, WHY!
I thought it was done
I swelled poly round
But it wasn't over
It was just getting down
All of a sudden
I started growing a beard
And this long white hair
Was down past my ears
My face swelled up
Like a big ripe plum
And I get these rosy cheeks
Still I wasn’t done
My clothes no longer fit
What could I do
The only thing I found about
Was an old Santa suit
I heard this clatter
On the top of my roof
I thought what is the matter
Must I handle this too
When I looked out on the roof
I could not believe
There were reindeer and sleigh
As if they waiting on me
Well, I said all right
Now this, I don't believe
But I was poof in that sleigh’
When right then I sneezed
I tell you it was then
That’s when I freaked
When that sleigh it took off
And across the sky it streaked
That was the first time
It just came to me
For the first time in my life
In Santa I believed
So I just went with it
And I laughed HO HO
I can do this
Oh yeah I think so
I got in the spirit
And I got in the mood
I handled that sleigh
And rode right past the moon
It was exhilarating
It was fun as could be
Then I realized something
Tonight, Santa was me!
The sleigh it landed
On our very first roof
It was all so quiet
Except the prancing of hoofs
I see the chimney
I get out of the sleigh
But when I get up to it
I’m thinking, no way!
I can’t do this
I can’t fit through there
Then a sneeze came to me
Right out of nowhere
And poof there I was
I was on the inside
So that’s how he does it
The sneeze is his ride
I went straight for the stockings
And then too the trees
I stuffed stocking with morsels
Trinkets and treats
I put presents too
Under every single tree
I loved this feeling
That overwhelmed me
Inside the bag
I found this long list
And each time I reached in
Yep, there it is
I petted dogs and cats
And hamsters and pets
They all had something
From Santa to get
I know now
Why Santa is fat
I ate cookies and milk
At each house I was at
I rode that sleigh
All over the world
I delivered presents just like Santa
To every boy and girl
It was just one bag
I had found in the sleigh
But each time I reach in
Something came out always
Finally,
I guess we were done
When I reached in the bag
The presents were none
We landed soon
On my very own roof
I waved good-bye
As flew away reindeer hoofs
Then I noticed
As I went through my door
I had lost being plump
I wasn’t fat anymore
My long hair and beard
It too were all gone
Had this been a wild dream?
This trip I was on
Oh no! I thought
I saw our tree
I was so busy being Santa
I had forgotten about me
What could I do
How could I make a mistake
There was not one present at all
Should my children awake
I put back on my pajamas
Still on was TV
But I could only sit
And just look at my tree
Suddenly I heard it
It came from my roof
And it sounded just like
Again reindeer hoofs!
I could hear footsteps
But it wasn’t me
Still I knew who it was
When I heard him sneeze
He popped through my chimney
And there stood he was
He had not forgotten
It was Santa Clause
Hi John! He said
I have these presents and more!
Don’t you know who I am?
I’m your neighbor next door
Last stop! he said
I’ve been at it all night
But let me tell you John
That eggnog has bite!
Merry Christmas I said
As I hugged the man
Is a Christmas we both will remember
I do understand
My wife still in bed
My children still asleep
Merry Christmas to you all
From one Santa, once me!
Copyright 2008
Bill Simmons
aka BillWilliamStar
author When Cannons Fire
&
The Kingdom
Merry Christmas!
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem