Save Me I I Poem by Mishack O Madubandlela

I'd rather be a lover than a fighter
All my life I've been fighting
The Silence, so loud
I need earplugs

I've been quiet for too long
How, more often than not, I wish I am wrong

I find peace in the violence
My faith, tested
To everyone, I do and always detested
To the peace in the violence, I attest
The solitude in the storm

Your cold embrace is so warm
Everyone and everything shows me there's no point in trying
My whole life I wished to be more
Now, I feel like it's all a burden

What do you do when you're the one who should be hiding?
Hiding in plain sight seems easy but a lot harder to do
There's really no point in trying
I'm in need of a savoir
All my life feels like God's one big failure
All my life, I've been hurting
You all and always say, 'voice out and talk'
But when I do, everyone dies

Does that mean all these were lies? !
Is that how powerful I am? !
Or it's just how toxic I am? !