Selfless... Acts... Of Love Poem by Sandra jacks

Too afraid to feel,
too scared to feel afraid,
locked inside this jail,
with no key...

Answering no question,
Asking nothing to answer,
lost between what is,
and why and where,
and who,
Am I.

Are you?

I find my jail walls,
are white with no doors or windows,
no lights but it is bright,
I'm screaming,
making no sound,
I'm crying making no tears,
terrified of whats behind the curtain...

Shaking under my own weight,
holding up the boulder I carry,
finding myself feel nothing,
finding myself lost in oblivion,
I do not exist, I am not here.
No, no it cannot, it will not be.

I control my mind,
but my mind, it controls me.

Covering up, the unveiled truths,
fighting my instincts to stay with you.
Fighting my instincts to run away.
Questioning,
what should I say.

It's my mess.

My disaster I am the hurricane,
That you chased after and came to find,
I'm not a hurricane at all,
i'm a puppy,
whose bite isnt as big as her bark.
I am lost because my reality,
is a shot in the dark.

I'm smiling as I gnash my teeth,
I'm laughing as I destroy every part of me.
Insanity?
Yes, Insanity.
we're all just a little nuts.....you see.

me, no...not just a little...no....

Your voice that ive never heard is ringing in my ears,
telling me to come closer,
when im screaming you can't hear,
and I can't bare it...anymore.

Gotta lock you out of my jail cellar.

Gotta get you far away and fast,
You know to must for me to trust you,
even though when I told you to,
you stepped back,
I am a snapping crocodile,
come near and I will hurt you,
I will snap my giant teeth,
and rip you in two.

I could not live with myself if I hurt you,
it kills you for me to leave,
and it kills me too,
but I'd rather you suffer and move on,
than live with the monster,
that will destroy you.