Shopping On Line. Poem by Mike Berriman

A baby boomer of advancing years
I tackle the net, my nemesis my fears
On line shopping, the love of many
So easy to shop, to spend that penny.

Most wives are competent with this shopping
For me, a miracle, three keystrokes no stopping
At last I'm in and view the index
So many windows, decisions so complex.

I find a shoe, right style right size
Push 'Buy Now' and confirm your prize
Button pushed, I wait for sign
This shopping page remains benign.

I push again and page is blank
A computer glitch, for this I thank
I leave the page with temper fuming
Internet incompetent and unassuming.

Two weeks pass then at the door
Three boxes stacked on verandah floor
Six brown shoes, three casual pairs
Oh, humiliation, - my wife just stares.

I try them on, one at a time
I have the need to make them mine
Not one fits, they are sized the same
I am alone to realise my shame.

Now I have to return all three
Return to sender, this isn't free
I check the website for return address
No such luck, oh, what a mess.

I find a number and make a call
There is no answer, and that's not all
I try for days, then find a name
Back they go to erase my shame.

Now here is the lesson of my tale
Always double check if you are male
Be careful if you order in haste
That, that supplied is not your taste.

MB 8/2016