Since I Survived Poem by Carrot Miller

Since I've been dead.
It's been so easy,
hiding the cuts from the world,
and never letting them know how much it really hurts.

People don't see the pain I hide,
They don't know me,
They won't know me,
Not even at my funeral.

I reach for the knife
and the cut bleeds,
and afterwards I'm numb
I feel liberated,
for a time.

Until I remember how I'm alive
and now I've got to hide them.
It's not better,
the scars are a symbol of how it's worse.

It never stops, it never leaves me alone,
its always there in the dark
Watching, waiting
For when I'm most vulnerable.

The blade glitters through the still emptiness
calling my name,
whispering sweet words and lies,
and I find I can't resist the temptation.
And so goes the cycle of self harm.
My cycle of self harm.



I give up! I give up I yell at last,
as the darkness envelops me once again.
The blade now sitting at my neck,
threatening my life as I regret.

I regret it all the pain the lies,
As I resign to knowing
This was my life.
I close my eyes, thinking peace at last,
But wait..

A flickering light?
My mind returns
As it starts to get brighter
I hear the sound of a machine
And a faint faraway voice, I hear someone calling
The light pours in as I open my eyes.

I feel myself escaping from this hell-like place
How long has it been?
Since I was stuck in that god-awful prison,
Trapped with my regrets.

But it's okay
None of that matters right now
I finally have that freedom long hungered for.
As I sit up and clearly see all my family surrounding me.
I understand what has to happen,
how I have to live,
and so I do.

So I won't have to utter those words ever again,
I haven't cut again,
I don't hide the scars anymore either,
I let people know what I survived.
Not since I've been dead.
Since I survived.