Kristina Jordan

Rookie (7-11-84 / Danbury Connecticut)

Slipping Mind - Poem by Kristina Jordan

My throat swelling with discontent
Air struggling to fill the lungs with yet another breath of hopelessness Paralized with the fear of what might take place
Begging for the chains to be broken releasing the butterfly within the cacoon
Screaming without being noticed
Seeing people inside not knowing what to say as to not give away Seeing them so clearly walking, talking, smiling
Knowing what's behind their smiles
Not wanting them to know what I see I am silent
My silence is for their comfort If they catch a glimps of my understanding they become ashamed
Shame which should not exist It is impossible to stop seeing their minds-nothing is wrong with one's mind yet they don't want to be seen Afraid of judgement which I do not pass
I cannot change what I am, what I see, what I feel, what I understand
All life longs to be understood but only by those whom they choose to understand them
When understanding comes from one not selected there is turmoil within
My silence is not to hide my mind but to hide their exposure from themselves
Undescribable lonliness, misconceptions rise never to be put to bed Better to be hated then have them feel naked and shameful
Black surrounding the eyes only a pinhole of light
This spherical light filtering in desiring to grow whithout a way
Rescue me from myself
I cannot find the air
I am shutting down
Bitterness from a lifetime of being misunderstood is replacing my love for life
Why live to be hated?
Love for others my family needs me
Love for others
Pour Love into them fight the bitterness
Let the warm light in
Push the knowledge away
Teach them the love for life even though it's hypocritical
Don't let them discover the hypocracy that you constantly heap upon them
Keep them ignorant of true life
Let them have their joy
They deserve better than what they have
Live breath in the pain and exhale the love
Put away who you are bury all feelings of pain, discontent, hopelessness
Another day to strive to teach that which I am begining to forget
Search for the speck of happiness of humanity that has vanished in the emptiness of your soul
Grab onto it for it is what you need to help your family live and grow Never forget what it feels like
Continue to teach them
You will be able to accomplish the greatest task
Giving them a good life
Giving them peace within
Contentment cannot be uncovered by darkness
Throw the dark desires into the abyss known as life
Flee from the mind which holds you captive
Put the demons back in the box which they escaped from
Free yourself, beat them back and regain control
Contemplate the miniscule possibililty that a speck can overcome a minion
Back to the reality that another day has turned into night without experiencing change
Reality that soon you will be lying sleepless in your bed longing for numbness
Dreading the moment when the sunlight touches the horizon
Restlessly rising to fight the same losing battle

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Poem Submitted: Friday, March 28, 2008

Poem Edited: Monday, March 31, 2008

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