Something Too Personal Poem by RIC BASTASA

among the crowd
myself stands like it were not me
i put one in front
and the other behind
the happy face is there
what lurks behind
is the sad one
sometimes i doubt
or pretend to doubt
which one is real
i laugh and then
promise myself a try
not to cry
mastered this game
of having to lose
and then win
make some imitations
and other selves
and you ask me why?
i tell you
i lost that appetite
to kill myself
and if i have to really
survive
all the other days of
my life
then you must
understand
why there are so many
selves now
claiming to be
the real one

do not underestimate
my knowledge
of who i am
even if i close my eyes
i know
which of me is real
it is the happy self
but never
tells it all