Speak Poem by Marlene Rashidi

I have a lot to say
But if I speak,
I think I'll go astray.
Like those poor young soldiers fighting a rich man's war
in the Congo bushes.
I'm fed up with all the shushes.
So let me speak
because silence isn't golden
Let me speak of the tribulations life done gave me,
before insanity befriends me.
Let me reminisce
back to the time when my mom and dad tried giving me a world of milk and honey,
but as I felt him inside of me,
my whole world turned into shadows of darkness and his word I recall as he whispered, 'Scream or die, kiss me back like I'm kissing you.'
I reckon he thinks he's a man when his reflection he sees in the obtaining mirrors.
Let me reminisce
When my bones had no meat,
and when blood in my veins dried up slowly
for the lack of water.
Or when my handmade wood bed
welcomed my growling stomach and gave it rest.
I wonder if my bed ever thought I'd wake.
Let me speak
Since fear used to be my remedy.
Don't worry I'll fly through this like it's a stand up comedy.
Let me reminisce
I lost what I loved due to tuberculosis,
a deadly disease that money could have cured.
But money was no where to be found. Little brother,
I'm sorry. I never went to your funeral.
I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye.
Alvis Rashidi, I love you and I miss you.
Let me speak
Before my dying days gives me a quick visit,
or before my resentment eats my flesh up to skeletons.
Before times becomes my enemy,
and before the sound of tic tic explodes my brain cells.
As time's still my friend
I still remember the day that sirens
didn't seem to be the rescue sounds no more.
When Kwazulu Natal was my home back then.
Where I first seen blood flood in harmony.
Just down the block from my house
Pow! Pow!
The girl was down, rape gone bad.
The fresh air I stood outside the balcony seeking for
turned into fresh reality,
eyes opened wider.
Scrutinize my brain! There's something wrong with it.
Or is it just the dark souvenirs my memories gave me to keep.
Let me speak, for I'm heavy loaded with a burden that's not mine to carry no more
No, not anymore.
Let me reminisce
When a dreadlock rasta stole my heart
And had me twisting Sade’s word from
“You show she how deep love can be.” to
“You showed me how deep love cuts the hear.”
I cherished the days I spent with him, just like
Malaria cherished the days it ate up his guts.
Love in Malaria times.
Let me breathe
Let me speak or forever my words I will swallow back
Back to the time when giving wrong answers in class
tattooed scars on my back,
or arriving late after walking miles bare foot
I still remember the tasteless wheat porridge fed to us
for breakfast and lunch.
I’m sorry, did I pour fuel to the fire yet?
And as I spit these words
the burdened part of me is free
So let me speak
and let the black butterfly in me perish
so that the white butterfly can flourish