Sunday, September 24, 2017

Supernova Comments

Rating: 5.0

Upon my fiery forceful chest,
Air passes through so slow
And i saviour the sensation,
As it sends my veins
...
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Nancy Nalbandian
COMMENTS
Kamiel Choi 04 October 2017

Quite pretty.. I think the first part would be rather stronger when written as a prose poem, a short paragraph describing your 'galaxy'. The final lines travels - unraveled are impressive. Can you keep that metaphor? (ragged) . What exactly is unravel'd? Which illusion you give up when you make him a free spirit?

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Evelyn Norcott 25 September 2017

To purify the impure state of mind I try to disappear with the whirpool, But in vain are my efforts In resemblance to the potent energy of the natural force. - this is definitely my favourite part - such a good write, thank you! :)

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