That Which Cannot Be Explained Poem by Sandra jacks

yeah.........I've been down t h e r e,
and if you ask me I'll tell you the truth,
i've been down where you are,
when you think that maybe,
there's some glimour of hope,
just a chance for freedom,
they say 'it's a free country',
how can i be soooo F R E E,
if I'm so bound to this earth,
the heavens looked down upon me with tears,
pain,
and all the time,
i just kept thinking to myself,
'death is my escape,
give me a gun,
give me a knife,
and God curse you,
for causing my pain',
I thought those death thoughts,
thought death would save me............
death even entered me now and again,
smoker,
drinker,
just a kid though,
just a kid with no d e p t h and bad........... habits,
addictions,
call them what you like,
simple right?
let me tell you something
E V E R Y O N E has depth,
i've got the kind that smiles through the b a d times,
gives you a big bear hug and says'yeah, today was awesome',
just so i can ignore what the real problem is,
but even the smiles break down now and again,
can't quite hold their perfected structure of' yay for the world',
like they say,
' if you don't have a firm foundation,
your building will crumble',
oh how it does crumble indeed,
i was never a blank slate,
N E V E R,
from birth,
a complex creature indeed,
but so were you,
maybe you just hide from the pain,
it's hard to believe that someone like you,
embraces pain with open arms and an abundance of peace surrounding it,
but P A I N,
but.............P-a-i-n,
is the ONLY way to understand d-e-p-t-h,
what is there in the hellish nightmare of a place? ,
i always wondered,
well,
there's something bigger then i know,
it's all been mapped out,
planned out,
I'm not saying that the map IS what will happen.
it's hit or miss,
and let me tell you what,
the Devils been out to get me since day one,
day uno man
his plots of systematic destruction still entice me
h a u n t m e,
one little piece at a time,
so very systematic,
it's almost scary,
but i do not fear,
that which has no power over me.