The Absurd Truth From Daughter To Mother Poem by Ciara Wood

Abruptly starring into the eyes of a beast,
Sullenly wondering what happens once you’re deceased.
Looking for an answer, for some kind of way out,
Holding this knife, with a mind full of doubt.

Some say its suicide, and I don’t quite see how,
For all these feelings that want to show, I don’t allow.
Where has the truth of the matter gone?
For is it my heart now that I pawn?

I hate myself for the way I pushed her out,
But there are so many feelings I never told her about.
For the fact of a future together seemed absurdly rare,
And for the both of us to live a lie, it was quite unfair.

So why have your self believe your own lies?
When to keep out the pain, all you have to do is say goodbye.
We’re so much alike, but yet not the same at all,
As I felt when I was talking to her, that I was talking to a wall.

She seemed and acted as if she actually understood me,
But I wasn’t that ignorant, for in her eyes I could see,
She didn’t know what to do with me, and at times she feared me,
But she never spoke up, and left that for myself to see.

I acted as if I didn’t see, that her love for me was fading,
As was mine for her, like the gentle water settles from a strong wading.
We weren’t meant to be together, but we both had found that loop hole,
And that took a toll on both of our hearts and souls.

For we had assumed God had given us a second chance,
But that was the assumption of a very quick glance.
I don’t wish anything bad upon her, and I never would.
But I wish there was more she could have understood.

She never felt comfortable around me, and that I could tell,
For I watched her with the other girls, and she seemed so well.
I didn’t quite like the thought of everything she did,
But I also didn’t like all the feelings from her I had hid.

As for me, I never told her exactly the uncertainty in my heart I had,
Wondering if us having each other back was exactly good or bad.
I tested her alot to see what she would do and how she would go about it,
But still to my surprise she treated me different, as if I wasn’t her kid.

I used my attitude to see how much it was that she could take.
Just to see how much it took for her to snap in half and break.
I acted as if I didn’t care, which for the most part was true,
But nothing was worth everything the other people put us through.

I lost her, I know, for simply mistaken spoken words,
Despite what everything was said, I still remember everything I have heard.
I don’t know what God has in store for her in life, but I pray its for the best,
For now finally I can lay my head down at night and rest.

I no longer have the feeling of fear of being left,
For now I am the one who leaves, now I see this is considered theft.
For stealing away the love we thought we had, which we didn’t,
But for unleashing the feelings that I had hidden.

We all say things we really don’t exactly mean,
And sometimes from that we can accidentally cause a scene.
But have you ever noticed how at the end of the day,
That things never, ever really go the right way.

I love her in the fact that I do honestly miss that woman.
And I know I had said some of the things that I shouldn’t.
But maybe it’s for the best we aren’t together,
Maybe this is one storm that we can not weather.

Shall I try and with her talk things out?
Or just still sit here with my mind full of doubts?
Is this, or isn’t this our true fate?
Or is this a cold, harmful pure act of hate?

As for me now, I’ll sit and wait,
Trying to figure out fate, or hate?
Shall I try to go ahead and create an alibi,
Or just wait and release a big, long, sigh?

You now know as I feel?
As if this was settled as a one way deal,
So take this as a memoir as me,
As for her, will I ever see?