The Aftermath Of The Narcissistic Relationship Poem by Kerri White

A full box of dryer sheets later,
you're still heavily on my mind.
Not in the way you once were,
since all memories fade with time.

I still hear your strong, secure voice
as you sweetly call my name.
I still see your beautiful, perfect lips
oppose themselves to announce that I'm to blame.

I still smell your irresistible cologne
as I move across a room.
I still remember the pain I felt
when you let go and moved on so soon.

I still cry for you late at night
when I force myself to close my eyes
I still remember all the rumors you made
just to cover my innocent truth with your lies.

I still shock myself completely
that for months I do not care
but randomly, my thoughts consume me
and I wish myself still there.

I still remember the sound of your laughter
and how it brought so much joy to my soul.
I remember you holding me tightly,
swearing you'd never let go.

Sleepless nights, I've done so much research
About how you're in need of help.
I wish I'd have realized it sooner,
But now the damage is all that I've kept.

I remember the times you hurt me
and how I thought I was in the wrong.
I remember the words that beat me
into thinking I really wasn't strong.

I remember the joy you seemed to feel
as you took away the life we made.
I remember the begging and crying I did,
and the fact that I always forgave.

I remember when your abuse finally consumed me
and made me believe I was the one to blame.
I remember your audience turning their heads
whenever anyone mentioned my name.

I remember the ache of feeling forgotten
like you weren't thankful for all I had done.
I remember the night I truly broke inside
and admitted that your Narcissism had won.

I need answers to why I feel thrown away,
how you could replace me like I wasn't unique.
I need to know how you'd feel if I murdered your memory
and made you feel like you just weren't meant to keep.

I need to stop seeing you in everything—
even a simple drive down a common road.
I need to find another who can love me the way
you always swore, when your "heart" would unload.

I need to heal my wounds from all of your lies
I need to make myself realize I'm better
I need to understand that one day you'll realize your fault
even if only because of your reading this letter.