The Commander In Chief's Song Poem by Tony Carp

I am the very model of a modern US President,
I want to stop the Mexicans and Muslims being resident.
I know all of the loopholes and a lot of ways to pay no tax,
And half of all my cabinet, have all been hired from Goldman Sachs.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters constitutional,
Misogyny and racism, I've made both institutional
I thwart the liberal media and all their ways of faking news,
With many cheerful alt-facts 'bout the benefits of fossil fuels.

I'm very good at speaking and I have a great vocab'lary.
I know a lot of words, I have the best words we can all agree.
In short in matters legislative, it's quite clearly evident,
I am the very model of a modern US President.

I always know what's going on, I get all of my news from Fox,
When I retire to bed at night, my hair's stored in a golden box.
When criticizing what I do and they lambast and pillory,
I just remind them all of all the crimes of crooked Hillary.
I've universal knowledge, on all subjects I pontificate,
From all of those dead voters, to Obama's birth certificate.
I know a lot of beauty tips, from hair dying to tanning booths,
And everything I tell you has been certified Steve Bannon truths.

Then I can make a pipeline that will desecrate the tribal land,
And sign off all the orders with a flourish of my tiny hand.
In short in matters legislative, it's quite clearly evident,
I am the very model of a modern US President.

In fact when I know what is meant by due process and probity,
When my behaviour's thought less scandalous than that of Grover C.
When diplomatic pitfalls and surprises I'm more wary at,
And take a passing interest in the poor and proletariat.
When I can quote the Bill of Rights and not just The Art of the Deal,
When I can pass a woman without wanting just to cop a feel.
In short, when I've a smattering of political strategy,
They'll still say that a President has ne'er been such a travesty.

My whole campaign was fought on the need for a southern barricade,
My language skills have not improved since graduating second grade,
But still, in matters legislative, it's quite clearly evident,
I am the very model of a modern US President.