The Devil Repents Poem by Kerry Jackson Kay

It was a lazy morning up in Heaven
Round about a quarter past eleven
An angel came to God's right hand
Said, 'Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't understand
But the Devil's turned up at the door
Saying he doesn't want to be evil anymore'.

Now there's no need for the end of days
No need for a holy blaze
The adversary has seen the light
He just upped and quit without a fight
Let the people of the world rejoice
Go out and make a joyful noise
Everything's going to be OK
Because the Devil did repent today...

Flitting back two thousand years
The Son of Man knew his time was near
As He wandered strangely casually
In the garden of Gethsemane
But Judas had a change of heart
He didn't want to play his part
Instead of kissing Jesus as He neared
He told the soldiers to kiss his rear

Now there's no need for Christ to die
No need for Him to be crucified
No need for the resurrection
No need for a new direction
Cancel the remembrance call
It wasn't the last supper after all
Jesus Christ is living still
Because Judas Escariot did alright this time

Way back at the very start
Deep within the garden's heart
A lady talking to a snake
Said, 'No thanks, this just feels fake'.

Now there's no need for the fall of man
No need for a masterplan
No need for evil to be free
No need for humanity
No need for nephilim, judges, kings
Not much need for anything
No flaming sword, no flood, no war
Just happy gardeners for evermore

...So God stood up and went outside
And there was Satan, arms out wide
'It's true, ' he said, 'I've seen the light!
There's no need for us to fight! '
God looked the Devil up and down
Thought about it with a frown
Then across His features came a smirk.
'Very funny, ' He said.
'Get back to work! '