The Family Christening. Poem by Mike Berriman

As the service started it was quiet and refined
The congregation dressed as fashion defined
Armani suits, shirts and designer footwear
Most onlookers envious, a continuous stare.

The babe was anointed and suitably cleaned
A lovely gathering, but not what it seemed
There was tension about, due to Great Auntie Gail
And second cousin John who was fresh out of jail.

Dear old Ned had supplied his avuncular brew
The nephews called it moonshine, and everyone knew
This was a real party, the portent was there
So up went the music and down came the hair.

Opinions were voiced on this and on that
Dislikes were compared from food to the cat
The noise level rose in steps with the beat
And the family drank deeply to cope with the heat.

Nanny Beth on her fifth spilt her drink on the floor
Cousin Jake fell asleep, and how he could snore
Coats were removed then off with the ties
With the ladies all shoeless, a treat for the eyes.

As the party progressed someone called for a toast
Ask Robert said Beth that's if I may boast
So Bob took his place at the head of the table
I'll give you a few lines on the babe if I'm able.

He said some nice words for the baby that day
And of the relations he went on to say
He wished them all well, but thought it so funny
They had given of themselves but not of their money.

What a mean lot you are, dressed so fine and so tight
You consider just yourselves, never others, am I right?
Stealing looks at each other, one quietly replied
This is just a big front, I hope you're satisfied.

What money we spend is all on the card
We may look haute coture, but to us life is hard
Poor Bob was deflated and looked down at his feet
Went red in the face, taking censure and heat.

We all make mistakes and I spoke out aloud
My relations all here, of you I am proud
Forgive me my outburst and I'll shout you a beer
And there the party started with a toast and a cheer.