The Fight Inside Poem by beautiful imperfection

I want so desperately to bleed,

but I can't understand why;

All these empty feelings inside

only leave me wanting to cry.

I wonder where it all went wrong,

why do I feel this way?

My life is finally going right,

there's no reason to feel so gray.

I try to help my friends be happy,

but it's so hard when I'm not,

I force a smile on my face

and try to hide these dark thoughts.

But they've gotten so overwhelming,

I can no longer ignore their pleads,

it takes so much not to give in.

How do I fix this? What do I need?

This fight inside is growing worse,

I no longer know what to do,

I try to trust in God,

but it's hard with these feelings so new.

Help me. Save me. Rescue me.

You could say it in so many ways.

I wish I could understand what I did that made me stray

and forget His loving gaze.

I'm nothing without Him, I keep reminding myself,

but that's so hard to believe when I feel so lost.

I feel like nothing everyday,

even with Him on my side,

how can I keep my focus on Him

when He keeps choosing to hide?