The Final Chapter Poem by Brendon Langeveldt

How do I work like this?
I can hardly see through the tears.

Tie a knot,
Slip through the other end.
Damn, too small.

This is impossible.
I have to do it,
No other choice.

Tie a knot,
Slip through the other end.
Still too short.

Motherf...

These damn tears are making it hard to focus,
Impairing visibility.

Tie a knot,
Slip through the other end.
Pull!

Let's see if it fits,
NO!

Too short...

I can't believe she did me like that.
I hate her so much right now.

What am I saying?
I love her to death.
Literally.
Figuratively.

I dunno anymore.
I just wish she didn't have to go.

I would have forgiven her.
Why didn't she forgive me?

Why?

I need to redo this knot.

I want her back,
I need her back.

Tie a knot,
Slip through the other end.
Perfect.

This will teach her.
Now she will regret that decision forever.
And then some.

Wonder if I should write her a message.
Where will I leave it?

I hope she knows that I just wanted to be close to her again.

'Dear Abby'

No.

'Hi, I know you're wondering what went through my mind when I did this. I'm really not that sure. All I know is that I'm tired of the hurt, the pain, the tears. I'm so tired of feeling like I failed you, like I failed us. I know that you're probably still mad at me, I understand why. I don't understand why you had to leave. Why couldn't you just get mad and yell at me like you always did. Why didn't you just tell me to go to my room, or something? Why did you have to do this? I needed you! I need you still. I can't take care of myself, I'm just a kid.'

'I think I'm doing this to get back at you. I think I'm doing it to get back to you. I don't know, I'm still so confused. Everyone's asking me questions and all I can say is that I don't know. I blame me for making you do it. I blame me, mom.'

'I found you. I came into the bathroom and found you with the knife. The knife that was always used to cut up the chicken for Sunday lunch. I found it next to you. With the blood on it. Your blood. I found it, me.'

'I'm sorry for doing this. I just want to be with you again.'

Now to get on this chair,
and put the rope on
like she always did
with her necklaces.

It fits,
Perfect!

Tighten it,
Kick!

I'm sorry mom...