The Log Splitter Poem by Bob Gibson

I went into Walton's Garage, and saw a strange machine
I said whats this contraption, Pete said this is my dream!
This thing it was enormous, it must have weighed a ton
Ill get the starting handle, would you like to see it run?


The Walton's made a Log splitter, it had a six inch ram
With a petrol engine, and its very own jerry can
The motor drove a hydraulic pump, attached to a rigid frame
It didn't have an ignition switch, which later he will blame!

I'll give you a demonstration, I'll go and get some wood
He found an old block in the yard which was covered up with crud
He put it on the mounting block and cranked the starting handle
The engine burst in to life, but the throttle would not strangle

The ram came out at a rate of knots till it felt resistance
The hydraulic pressure started to rise at the engine revs insistence
This log had been there over thirty years, it should have been a cinch
But it was hard as the hobs of hell, and it didn't yield an inch

The engine was revving furiously, no relief valve was there fitted
The machine started to disintegrate, the ram it was committed
He tried to stop the engine, with his hands shorting the lead
But twenty thousand volts were there! and no! he did not, succeed!

Pete was going frantic now, his brother screaming stop it!
The frame just kept on buckling it was Pete whose going to cop it
The ram came to the end of its travel, and thats what stalled the motor
I've never laughed so much before! and I've even got a photer!