'The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner' Poem by Jan Freundschuh

As a small child my father
Showed me the pretty lights of
The big city
As we drove home at night.
Twinkling lights.
Pretty.
But pretty soon
Those lights looked to me
Like the City of Abandonment
Asking one giant question:
'How would you like to be lost
In this dark city alone,
Abandoned,
Twinkling lights
Mocking, jeering at you.
Hold tight to the armrest, little girl,
Or this sight
Will be your next
Stop'.

To this day, I have to close my
Eyes
Shake away the giant cityscapes,
Like a Boogie Man,
Reaching for me.

I grew up in Manhattan.
In the belly of the beast.
I negotiated the streets.
No problem.
But I don't want to see
That string of diamonds-
-Horizon-

Even in the day
It's a big lostness
When seen from the outside,
Driving past.

I notice others find the view
Exciting.

Climb a mountain,
See the view.
Another lostness.
Where's a cranny
To hide in?

Such is the karmic
Eruptions
Of past trauma
I pick my way through.

Psychologists:
Your knowledge
(Which WAS born yesterday)
Is not useful.

You comment on
The rain, on a particular
Day, saying, 'It will blow over',
But you don't know, you
Are speaking to Noah.