The Lost Christmas Poem by Raluca Rodica Ratiu

I wake up suddenly
In the heart of the night
All sweat and frightened
Of all the ghosts I fight.

And I start crying
For all the things I saw,
Cause I have seen my lifetime
Still pictures in one row.

I've seen my father angry,
I've seen my mother sad,
For having such a daugther
That every time goes mad,

And runs away with fear,
And always tries to hide
Her ego and her feelings
Mixed up with so much pride.

I've seen my father's mother,
She hated me so much
For not having her blood line,
I was not good to touch

But when she died this autumn,
They weren't even there,
I went to take her body
And set the grave, I care!

I've seen my grandma laughing,
She always used to smile,
When I was always falling
Taking corn out of a pile,

She always used to kiss me,
Stood always by my side,
But in a day near Christmas,
She smiled no more...she died.

I've seen my lover waiting
For having me for real,
And when that happened, oh Lord,
Was the best thing to feel,

But then I had to leave him,
I had to run away,
For being scared to love him
And cancel me this way.

And now I am here crying,
I'm sick of dreams like this,
That make your mind go weaker
For all the things that miss,

I've lost my Christmas dreaming
And fighting all those ghosts,
But now my dream is over,
Tomorrow can be worse.

03.01.2008