The Smoke And The Caterpiller Poem by Kevin Carney

I run it time and time through my mind…
I keep on seeing it over and over again…
The time was there…
I don’t think it was on my side…
Was it spent all in vain?
Just so I could walk away.
If you just ask me.
I don’t think I would have the answer
At least I couldn’t tell you what I thought.
I tried to see it through….
Never did I really know what I should do….
Pushed and pulled…
Fooled and deceived…
All in the mind….
Of what I love should be….
Wandering through the days and nights…
Never should I have believed in the beauty and the beast…
Maybe it was just the child in me…
Knowing the difference in what is fable….
Only to be slapped in the face by reality…
Maybe to reach for the hookah...
Just to taste the smoke of the caterpillar…
Writing the finale of this story of….
Going nowhere in the end.
I spoke the words….
So much through my heart.
Only to fall silent.
Away from me in the end.
Did I walk that fine line?
Between what I felt was real?
Did I see the color of the night?
Did I try to hold on to you?
Only to surrender myself in the end?
Cold and numb I become.
Dreams torn from the heart of me.
I prayed to God for his help….
To keep us together in the end…
Maybe just once you would see it in the end…
Was I wrong, in the end to believe?
Could it be I just woke from my deep sleep?
Only to realize it was my own nightmare?