The Spark Poem by Roy Merchant

Where did you go, where have you been?
You seem to be lost in the miasma of my uncertainties
If my sudden and untimely death frightened you away
Then please note that I am alive again, so please call
I need you

Without you I am just a list of endless possibilities
An obscured pool of things that could be, but won’t be,
Things that should be, but can’t be
Without you I am a lifeless cloud of incertitude
An intangible, clarity free, soulless edifice incapable of actions
Good or bad
I need you

And ah I remember you so well.
I recall your drive, your ideas, and your get-up-and-go.
You were the tiny grain of energy that ignited my fire
That converted my listlessness into myopic paths of desire
I need you

So many things left me that night, never to return it seems.
Sometimes I cannot recall how spiritual I was before the journey
I was alive, I woke up alive again, and the middle is gone,
Never to return.
What route did I take, I do not know
Did I stop for a cup of tea? I do not know
I awoke from death, with half of my spirit missing

Spark, you were just another one of my weapons
That deserted me when the horsemen came calling
Like strength, energy, focus and never say die
You were not there when I woke up.
It seems that you were all too afraid to stay true and loyal

Or were you all, the sacrifice I had to make?
The trade off made to ensure the certainty of the next breath
The Danegeld paid to be left alone
If so, then you really ought to have asked me
If the next breath was worth such pain, such uncertainty,
Such intense disillusionment at the mediocrity of what remains.

Afterthoughts

My soul says to me sometimes, that I am a spirit having a human experience and that I should not worry as I will leave all this behind, when I return to my spiritual plane. However, I wonder sometimes, whether we are bound to go on and on through these experiences until we find the right solution to the paradoxes they create.
For instance, if my soul is here to learn how to manage jealousy, then it may go through several divorces and difficult relationships before it finally conceives how to share non-judgemental, honest and pure love based on trust. The pain of those human physical experiences may be such, that they create negative spin offs which takes millenniums for my soul to put back into balance.

Oh spark, I miss you.
Maybe you have been carrying me when I had no other means of support.
Maybe you are the inspiration behind my every waking hour.
Maybe you are there waiting for me to finally realise that you cannot help me until I chose to help myself. Just patiently standing there in the shade, waiting for me to realise that I have been given a new road to travel and that the map has been in my pocket all the time and all I had to do was look for it and it would appear,
Along with strength, energy, focus and never say die

(London - 20th March 2003)