The Truth? Poem by Amanda Saveley

I lie.
I hurt.
I hurt others.
I get angry to make the pain hurt less.
I miss my mother, and my brothers.
I've never felt more alone than I do right now.

My boyfriend...
is wonderful.
but I don't deserve him.

My mother is
gone...
it's all I see anymore.
my mother has become a voice on the other end of a telephone line too long to reach my heart.

I love...
music.
It says everything I just can't seem to form in words.

But I don't dream.
I can barely recall.
What is a fantasy...
If you have nothing to imagine?

I am currently...
in a home that is really not a home at all.
A house is not a home
If there is nothing in it which resembles family.

I'm not...
happy.
confident.
smart.
stable.
honest.

All I really want is...
peace of mind

I am wearing...
my clothes.
my smile.
my facade.

My life is...
a lie.
plain and simple.

But my mood...
right now...
is as real as it's ever been.

Still, today I...
woke up.
went to class.
donated blood.
talked to friends.
saw my boyfriend.
came home.
sat at the same chair as every other night.
stared at the monitor.
buried a lie.

That's the truth.