This Isn't My Body Poem by Elizabeth Tyrrell

This is my life
Or is it?
I'm trapped in this body that doesn't do what I need it to
What I want it to
My body is a strict parent
Her rule over my organs condemns me
Tangling her nerves around them until I bend to her will
Forcing pressure on my lungs to the point I'm gasping for breath
Crippling my senses until even touch is a blur
My vision is gone and all that is left is darkness
My body has become a black hole
Sucking even my most precious memories
And warping them into haunting nightmares
My mother and I used to sit together
Her reading our favorite stories
But now the monsters from those tales are becoming my torment

Bulimia has begun collecting my fluids
Draining me of my being and replacing me with someone new
Someone mute and disturbed
Forcing its' fingers down my throat
Until my heaving fills the room
And the rot attacks my nostrils
Leaving me as nothing but dead weight
Empty as hollowed bones
A decrepit reminder of what I used to be

Addiction is in love with my veins
Shoving chemicals through me
Until my flesh is pocked with needle marks
She's cocaine kissed my neurons
And convincing my grey matter to let her stay
A little bit longer each time she visits
Addiction was my favorite monster
Because with every downfall she would lift me back up

Suicide has cut my body so many times
I have no skin left to sever
Each part removed
In such a way that they have become strangers to each other
Nothing left but echoes in the caverns of my mind
The pieces of me no longer recognizable
These monsters keep me prisoner inside my rib cage
It's cold and lonely here
No one hears my desperate cries for help
Save me from this body
I keep breaking my own bones
And stretching my own skin to try and feel free
But I don't
And I'm realizing maybe I never will
But now that it's all written down
Maybe you can help me escape
I keep trying to escape
But the thing about running away is
It only works when someone is chasing you
You can't outrun the body you're wrapped in