This Thing About Doubt Poem by Lee McGregor

Another bout of self doubt
It goes to the core
It hacks at the heart
Of a self just construed
One so cautiously built
From the fragments of faith
A belief at the least
I'm as good as the rest
That I've passed enough tests
Carved my own special niche
Have a right to declare
The thoughts I think
Are as real and true
As the overwhelming view
That the story you tell
Is what matters the most
So I crawl or coerce
Til I finally convince
My thinking
Has substance like yours.

When you finally fall
For the cunning deceiving
Have hammered you til
You can't stop me believing
The words I say
I write on the page
Persuade you at least
I am worthy of praise
That I've joined the proud ranks
Of the likes of your crowd
A someone with something
A voice to be heard
When you're almost on side
And would welcome me in
The scaffolding
Starts to break down.

This bout of self doubt
Has again re-emerged
To rattle the framework
I'm balancing on
The pressure is on
To assure this poor self
As to what built me up
Was not just a one off
That everything's changed
Can ignore the dark thoughts
The substance I seek
Is within my own heart
And with age comes a sense
A rock solid belief
Having done the hard yards
Having clawed my way out
I have earned the tough right
And at last have arrived
A believer for real
To stand firm in my mind!

I wish it were true
But when faced with the facts
When all's said and done
When it's put to the test
After all of those growth groups
Designed to enrich
The letting go work-it-through
Processing trip
That the face looking back
Seems vague and distressed
Affirmations become babble
No longer make sense
When I give up the gurus
Eternal happiness
Confusion and self doubt
Are the things I do best!