Caitlin McGonigal

Rookie (8-16-1996 / Arnold palmer hospital)

Thoughts - Poem by Caitlin McGonigal

Tears fall with ease down my face... Each filled with emotion. Love,
compassion, longing, etc...Each one is an empty promise you made... for
starters, forever. Honesty, sometimes i hate you. I hate your indecision.
And your game playing. You keep me hanging on a thread...;
but i cant hold on forever. I WONT hold on forever.
Its your choice to push me away, but by the time you come'll be
to late...i could date anybody i wanted to...but Ive been single since
our break up in October...there are things you said to me, that i miss
hearing.....And you REALLY hurt me when you said you missed me...
but Then started dating someone else! (dousche! !)
There are nights, that i dream about you... and each time its like a shock
towards my heart. The silence between us is so loud....But did you honestly
think i wouldn't hear about it? ! Sometimes, feel blind because the one i
want to focus on is out of sight.
There are many words my heart wishes to say... but my lips are sealed
I don't want to see [you with her]
and i don't want to hear [all the rumors]
but im forced to stay... and be tortured. Id like to run away from you but i
dont know what i would do if you just let me run... These are thoughts in my
head when i think about you.. everyday
I feel like i go a little bit more insane. When im forced to say
'We're just friends....'
It turns into a glass splinter working its way into my hurts...
Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. Its a soul-hurt.
A real-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you apart- pain.....
sometimes...i wish i had never met you...Then i wouldn't feel like this.
Like someone i really truly cared for left me with a broken heart...
You made me feel special. I thought you meant everything you said.
I still think about what could've you?
I miss you...

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, December 21, 2011

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