Through Closed Eyes Poem by Caroline Guedes

Have you ever prayed to God
crying through closed eyes?
Have you ever experienced a loss
and cried through closed eyes?

Only the lonely and truly downtrodden
know how it feels
to lose something so vital to your existence
and left on your last wheel

I still can't believe I lost her
and even in sleep I find no solace
crying through closed eyes again
waking up to want for death's kiss

I have often looked around to try
to find love and compassion
but the hand to hold quickly unfolds
to reveal another heart that's broken

It's so easy to find the dark side
of this existence. Sometimes I close my eyes
and before the tears fall I have
a brief moment of clarity before I cry

And the anxiety rushes back to me
all of the overdue apologies
float neglected in the midnight air
Will there ever be any release for me?

What am I waiting for?
feeling my eyelashes saturated
in tears that should be rusted away
but I am still in the past so jaded

and when will I ever see that
this way of life is not longer worthy of me?
crying through closed eyes
hiding away is not how my life should be

So I have to open my bloodshot eyes
and ask myself why I am so stagnated
stuck in a moment that should have ended
two year ago. It left me fading

Have you ever woken up to a
satori and felt born anew?
Have you ever promised no more
crying through closed eyes and fulfilled it too?