Tooth Whitening Kit Poem by VICTORIA GEORGE

A bought a tooth whitening kit
Because my gnashers were brown
It really was money for sh*t
Cos’ that chemical kit let me down

I’d seen the ad on e-Bay
And admit to having some doubts
“Get whiter teeth straight away”
But mine just went brown and fell out

I’d suffered for two weeks or more
With plastic tray and some paste
Until my gums be-came sore
And I totally lost sense of taste

Now I’m a toothless old hag
Don’t want to smile any more
Having no teeth is a drag
Sucking my food through a straw

My mouth is almost bereft
Of pearly whites inside my gob
Although I have one wonky tooth left
It’s not really up to the job

That guy was a liar and cheater
And was the worst kind of thief
Now they call me One-eater (Juanita?)
Because of my absence of teeth

copyright Victoria George