Trauma Poem by pringle popper

My deep rooted trauma,
Set firmly in my bones,
Left me a lifetime of feeling,
Oh so alone,
In a world full of chaos,
And a constant ringing phone,
Not a person, nor a place,
Ever really feels like home,
I've pushed away those that I love,
Listened to those I don't like,
And I continuously sabotage,
My own little life,
I've let people treat me diabolically,
Like a total piece of crap,
But I've come to realise,
The things you can't take back.
So I'm here to make amends,
To face my fears,
Despite the fact,
It's the cause of all my tears,
But I can't carry on,
It's destroying all of me,
I know it won't be pretty,
What I'm about to see,
In 2008 my mum left, she was gone,
And the years in between,
Have been sad and so long,
I've missed her every single day,
And I've carried this hurt,
Since the day she walked away,
But the thought of letting her in,
Scares me to death,
That I will end up alone again,
Like I was when she left,
But if I don't reach out,
Im scared of regret,
My heart is thumping,
Like i'm putting all my money on a bet,
Some people say it's good,
Some people say it's bad,
But I'm full of guilt,
That I'm betraying my dad,
This man is my hero,
My rock and my All,
He's celebrated my highs,
And catches me when I fall,
The fear I may hurt him,
It cuts me really deep,
Because it broke my heart,
The day I saw him weep,
But I'm not gona lie,
This pain I need to lose,
I want all the colours of the rainbow,
Not just feel all the blues,
I've don't things i'm not proud of,
I've said things that are so bad,
But it comes from a place,
When I'm deeply so sad,
I don't have any questions,
So it's not answers that I need,
It's from this trauma,
That I need to be freed.