Two Global Curses Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Global Curses
May the Devil make a ladder of your spine
May six horse-loads of dung fall on your head
May your next keech be a hedgehog
May your obituary be written in weasel's pee
May you have an itch but no nails
May your wife blow wind like the stone from a sling
May your wits be as quick as a frog in concrete
May your fence be made from sausages
May you grow like an onion with your head in the muck
For you're as useful as a corpse's overcoat
For you're worth as much as a kiss from a corpse


May you build a house from your kidney stones (Bulgarian Curse)
Or: what the poet said to the critic
When the vampires rise from the underground,
And bats ring the moon with their squeaky sound;
And frogs plop slimy from their pools at night,
And may turbulence dog you on any flight

May your bowel movements be like anal fire,
Like passing a motion made of steel barbed-wire;
And when you're old may there be not one
To mourn at your grave when your day is done.

May nobody care neither man nor flea,
If all your pets left you utterly;
May death watch beetles chew your home to dust
And may brewer's droop put the hex on lust