Pandora's Box


Vocation - Poem by Pandora's Box

Death of my own self.
Loss of my own wants, needs.
What do I like anymore?
Dislike?
I become lost in them.

Was I made to be a mother?
I did choose this vocation,
this life.
I did choose
to have babies,
to stay home with them,
nurture them,
teach them,
love them.

And love them I do.
Would I die for them?
In a heartbeat.

But isn't a mother supposed to love…BEING a mother?
How can I be so bad at it?
Wrong so many times?
Behind and late on so many things?
Angry so often?
Wanting to run?
Why does my love for them
not give me
patience?
kindness?
gentleness?

I feel I fail them at every turn.
I know I am not alone.
I know mothers have felt this way
since the dawn of time.
But as much as I know this,
for whatever reason,
it offers little comfort.

Aching
Longing
Loving
Fa iling
Striving to do better
Losing myself
Fearing I will never again be found

Still…..loving….
And finding myself…lost in them.


Poet's Notes about The Poem

I think all mothers have times like this....we just don't like to say it out loud.....

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, May 13, 2012



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