Vocation Talk 1960 Poem by Terry Collett

We sat
on the deserted
air-raid shelter
in the grass
by Banks House

it was Saturday afternoon
the sun warm

I may want to be a nun
when I leave school
Fay said

I looked at her
why would you want
to be one of those?
I said

I think I may
have a vocation
she replied
looking at me
with her blue eyes

what's that?
I said

a calling from God
to serve Him
in a religious life
she said

I looked at her fair hair
the way she had it
tied in a ponytail

what about us?
I said
I thought we might
get married years to come
and move away
from your old man
and see the Old West

she frowned at me
nuns can't marry
she said
they have to be celibate

I lowered my eyes
to the yellow flowered dress
she was wearing

what's celibate mean?
I said
turning to look
at the coal wharf
where coal lorries
and horse drawn wagons
were being
loaded up with coal

it means abstaining from marriage
and sexual relations
Sister Jude told me
Fay said

but we're not sexual relations
I'm just a friend
I said
turning back to look at her
but why not marry?

Fay gazed at me
because Sister Jude said
we marry God
marry Our Lord

I sighed
but you're only 12 like me
how can you be a nun?
I said

not now when I'm older
when I'm 16 say
she said

you said last week
your mum might take you away
from here away
from your old man
and brothers what then?

she looked at her hands
in her lap

don't know
have to see what happens
she said

she looked at me
don't tell anyone
we might be leaving Benny
it's secret
she said

I won't tell a soul
I said

she kissed my cheek
and said
thank you Benny

I took out a packet
of football cigarette cards
from my jeans pocket
and showed her
my favourite
which was Stanley Matthews

she took it and stared at it
then gave it back to me

she had tears
in her blue eyes
and they seemed as if
they were in water

I wanted to tell
her mum
not to take away
her little daughter.