Voices - 4 Poem by Windsor Guadalupe Jr

In moderation,
I have found the vaguest of reasons
As I perched atop the headboards,
Catching dreams that plummet into the abyss –
A certain part of me – a really immense portion
Of who I am, lusted to fall with those
Faint dreams –
The doctor called, as my phone chimed
As my tremulous hand held the phone,
And my other, rigorous hand held faith alone
Which sedated me entirely as I trampled
With all the substantive pleasures enough
To inebriate the people around me –
I beg to differ.
Did you already take the medication I prescribed?
I let out a sinister grin as I let out an even
Sinister lie.
I took the medication doctor, it helped.
And he let out a breath of relief, and I can tell very well
That he believed my half-hearted lie – I thought,
It was a very easy task to fool these people.

Just maintain your medications, and channel your energies
Into something sprightly.
Yes, doctor, I will.
I told him one lie after another
As I was riveted to the front seat
And my mom drove me home
And she smiled at me as if to tell me
That even if something was very wrong
In me, she still loved me
But there are delicate hints
That told me earnestly
That she was worried
And I was getting even more dreadful
Than ever as I destroyed myself
On the inside and feign restoration
On the outside.
There’s something wrong with me,
That, I am sure of.
And there’s something wrong with them, too.
But they never seem to notice.
At the dining room, where the dining table
Sprawled like a mad creature,
My dad patted my shoulder as if
I am a victor in some game that I have been playing
For quite some time.
He asked me,
How are you doing?
I am doing okay dad.
What I meant with okay was that,
I am accustomed to pain,
And pain has found a threshold
In me.
And they pried when it was time to eat,
And they ate when it was the time to pry
And I am stuck in reverse,
Like equations are stuck into incomprehension.
And so, I thought, as they masticated
Corn, mashed potato and deep-fried chicken,
No one will ever understand.
And I am sure of it –
Until someone proves me wrong.
Come to me,
I don’t have much time,
And time does not have that much
Strength to stay with me –
I feel like going any minute
Give me a reason to live,
And I’d forget all reasons
To face demise.