Wanting To Be Numb Poem by Karen Miller

Wanting To Be Numb

Rating: 3.7


She sat on the bed
Not knowing what to do
The pain and hurt overwhelming her
That is why she was so blue

Instead of feeling pain
She felt nothing at all
Tired of all the emotions
She just wanted to fall

He ruled her life
For so long now he controlled
The beatings and the pain
To break down her soul

She closed herself off
So he wouldn't get in
Relentless and cruel
He seemed to always win

Now here she was
Tired of this world of pain
Tired of all emotions
Now she sits in disdain

She reaches beside her
In a foggy haze
Picks up a gun
And looks at it with a loving gaze

A sense of peace fills her soul
She knows what's coming ahead
Finding the peace she's been searching for
If only she could be dead

She puts the gun to her head
And hears a loud pop
Not sure what it is
It makes her stop

She feels a little woozy
And puts her hand to her head
It comes back wet
All covered in red

She hears a scream
Is it from her lips
Crawls out the door
And then she trips

Down the stairs she falls
Consciousness coming and going in and out
A towel is wrapped around her head
Till she finally shouts

Get away just let me be
You never cared
You just wanted
To hurt me

Shoved into a car
She remembers it all
How embarrassed she is
How he let her fall

When she wakes up
In a hospital bed
She looks around
Feeling funny about her head

He takes her away
From places that would help her out
Back to the way it was before
Back to the abuse no doubt

Something is different this time
She has changed on the inside somehow
You can do or say all you want
Nothing can hurt her now

POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
This was the turning point in my life in the abuse I suffered I chose life
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Bri Edwards 10 November 2013

thanks for the poet note. that, along with the message you sent following my comment on your other poem, tells me you probably really DID shoot yourself. i'm glad to hear your survived to now enjoy a more peaceful life. good for you! as for the poem: well done. well-told and nice rhyming. i like that you used third person she/her. maybe it will help readers to relate to it more than if you had used i/me. as for your use of disdain...i have heard of the word, had some clue i think of its meaning, and probably never used it before in my speaking/writing. so i looked it up and copied the following: Disdain Sentence Examples She expressed disdain at the adulation the industry gives to beauty over talent. To my surprise, her smile was no longer one of lofty disdain. In such a situation there is no place for such disdain. They hold disdain for ordinary people who want to raise their living standards. He showed the ultimate disdain for the singers. My expression of utter disdain may have betrayed my thoughts. She has great disdain for mass culture. We must also have disdain for all things outside us, to make us, on due occasion, spit at the stars. In combination with his demonstrated disdain of detail, he did not record this fact. He described her as radiating 'cold disdain' after he arrived for her audition 25 minutes late. Criminals have massive disdain for the law. He sat for a second, then looked at me with total disdain. Does he really hold us all in such disdain? Search Sentence Examples The word usage examples above have been gathered from various sources to reflect current and historical usage. They do not represent the opinions of YourDictionary.com. and i copied these definitions of 'disdain': dis·dain dis'dan/ noun noun: disdain; plural noun: disdains 1. the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt. her upper lip curled in disdain synonyms: contempt, scorn, scornfulness, contemptuousness, derision, disrespect; More disparagement, condescension, superciliousness, hauteur, haughtiness, arrogance, snobbishness, indifference, distaste, dislike, disgust she looked at him with disdain antonyms: respect verb verb: disdain; 3rd person present: disdains; past tense: disdained; past participle: disdained; gerund or present participle: disdaining 1. consider to be unworthy of one's consideration. gamblers disdain four-horse races synonyms: scorn, deride, pour scorn on, regard with contempt, sneer at, sniff at, curl one's lip at, look down one's nose at, look down on; More despise; informalturn up one's nose at, pooh-pooh she disdained vulgar exhibitionism refuse or reject (something) out of feelings of pride or superiority. she remained standing, pointedly disdaining his invitation to sit down synonyms: spurn, reject, refuse, rebuff, disregard, ignore, snub; More decline, turn down, brush aside we disdained his invitation Origin karen, i understood, i think, what you meant when you wrote: Now here she was Tired of this world of pain Tired of all emotions Now she sits in disdain BUT i'm not sure. it seems as though the person feeling disdain is usually (or always?) having the feeling towards another rather than about oneself. reading the poem i thought you were expressing that you felt 'disdain' for yourself. but it could have been disdain for your partner. either way, it works and i don't suggest changing it. anyway it would mess up a 'nice' rhyme! :)

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