What A Way To Lose Weight! Poem by Denis Martindale

I could not turn on my telly... or read a magazine,
I had to protect my belly... from adverts that are seen...
The kitchen filled my heart with dread... the larder to avoid...
So many ways I could be fed... but then to get annoyed...
This diet is a nuisance, but... I choose to fight the flab,
I hope to shrink this growing gut... so food I must not grab...
Nor walk up close and smell the stuff... their flavours there to sniff...
Despite the fact such smells I love... and oh, what joys they give...
I sprayed the rooms with aerosols, my appetite to quell...
Or else there goes my future goals, my belly then to swell...

I check the scales impatiently... to learn the weight I am,
While daydreaming there of gravy... I gently pour on lamb...
Or turkey, chicken or bacon... potatoes here and there...
Then I stop and put the brake on... to limit my despair...
My greenhouse has tomatoes... and yet I must resist...
Obesity gets up my nose... yet chocolate treats are missed...
One salad, that is all I get, until tomorrow comes...
Use self-control! No need to fret! Distract those teeth and gums...
Hold on, be patient, wait your turn... just think of something else!
Like calories that I must burn... before starvation yells...

Who am I kidding? Nobody! I must eat pizza NOW!
My larder pizza calls to me... Oh, yeah, that's good... and how!


Denis Martindale August 2019.