Johan Fourie

Rookie - 0 Points (22 November 1949 / Johannesburg, South Africa)

What I’ve We Done With The Pain-, And Loss? - Poem by Johan Fourie

Did the loss of love, opportunity and dear ones stop us......:
...embracing the complexities and paradox of life with joy and passion?
....from dancing on the pavement, to the music of the rain and wind, under the stars?
....reaching out to those in want and need witholding our compassion, wisdom-, and hope for a better next time round?
....from responding to the abundance of caring love and friendship offered to us without expectation or demand?
...noticing beautiful creations of the univers such as butterflies on flowers growing miraculously contrary to our referencial frames in cracks, in the granite paths on baren, wind swepted cliff faces?
......and as tears blinded us catastrofic the disruption on the free way of life as all forced to crawl past that place we ran into the back of a truck
thus, we cacooned our passion in a cold dark murky place, unreachable behind closed doors in our secret caves

we shelter-, and find escape in the shelter of work, books, family and friends...
but, when done.........
the memories, the ache, the longing and yearning flood in

when the memory
...of once having belonged
...of once being connected
.....of once having it all contextually relative to our mortal frames come flooding in and overcomes the iron will, and
iron resolve we keep on walking away, to imagined safety?

when then, the sorrow overcomes
......resolve, ......and rational arguments
...that it was doomed to failure!
....that it was imperfect!
.....the challenges to our lack of passion was abusive!
Do our abandonement-, and rejection driven-fear cause pre-emptive and defensive action?

Flashes of.......
......large strong caloused hands being gentle and protective
.......dialogue without words replacing articulated sound
.......a voice intonated with compassion, understanding, acceptance

Where do you take your pain?
Where do you take the ache?
Where do you take the flood?

Do you also cry in the shower where it is safe?
Do you cry behind your sunglasses, often driving where it is safe?
Do you discover your pillow wet when waking, lying curled in foetal position, hugging it in both arms, hands clenched in fists?
Knowing in the moment of awakening
....that you miss the quite-minded gentle breathing once next to you in bed
....that you miss that hand, and leg that once touched you protectively and companionably
....that you miss the warmth of a body once under the sheets with you
....and miss knowing never again seeing as the first sight of new days eyes filled to the brim with gentle, caring giving love
.....and miss knowing never again as the first voice to hear on the new morn a voice with the whispers of unmeasureable love intonated in the fabric, and timber of words you miss the footsteps, and movements and voices of those departed
.......and in your face the knowledge of another bleak morrow without that which you miss and consider the variables of having had it all

When ever again will your narritives contain phrases such as:
.....”I never knew I could care and love this much”?
....when that person is away to say “I really am misreable without you and miss you very much”?
......”I have never loved this deep or so much”? say “no more the opportunity to hold, console play and laught” with those departed you also cry?
...does your body shake as sobs wrack your frame?
when you remember having had so much then, and having so little now....

How long will we allow the shadows of the past to frame the present that is eched in a blinding haze of a percieved fear filled future of rejection, judgement and abandonemen?

Is it possible to bridge ego, rational and guilt, and to say:
You are sorry, have regret and remorse?
You miss and need?
....and it hurts! Very much?

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Poem Edited: Thursday, February 6, 2014

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