Tanec Rayl

What Privileges - Poem by Tanec Rayl

so just like you would with a normal user
consulting first our comprehensive internal help system
we established a connection
preceding this with a period
delineating the parameters for
an unlimited number of commands

predictably it is fashionable
this disagreement over a pose
therefore I have only three things to say:

spheres are rather limited

she regarded the shooting as an accident

basically nothing

Comments about What Privileges by Tanec Rayl

  • (7/21/2007 11:36:00 AM)

    Quite right about 'cool'. I changed it. Thanks for your criticism. (Report) Reply

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  • (7/21/2007 11:19:00 AM)

    I like this a lot Tanec. This has a great atmopsphere to it and is well paced. I think that the word 'cool' in the first line, second stanza, takes something away from the piece. It seems that the theme deals with the plasticity of human relations, and in this sense I feel that something that emphasises the contriveness might be more fitting.

    All in all this is a really well written poem.
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, July 20, 2007

Poem Edited: Tuesday, March 22, 2011

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