Where Do I Go? Poem by Ibrar Siddiqi

Questions constantly bombard me like mortar fire.
Moving from shell hole to shell hole,
Preserving my life's desire.
My desire to be loved.
My desire to make a name.
Not looking for fame,
Money would be a bonus.
Just wanting to make my life count.
Where do i go from here?

Met too many spies in this short life of mine.
Male or female.
Just don't want to lose the battle of my life.
Just want to survive and tell my chldren about my endeavours.
The friends I had.
Adventures, I embarked upon.
The women I loved.
The woman i could but couldn't.
Who left me heartbroken.
I walked away and walked the path i always followed.
Where do I go?

I cannot ask any one.
Undercover all the time.
Trust is a currency that I wont barter with.
friends are few and far between,
I ask myself and God daily,
but no answers are forthcoming.
Each days experience,
leaves me more numb.
Cold to love and affection.
Games I will play,
just to make it from day to day.
Think of this soldier dodging shellfire.
Never lose your hope and your burning desire.

I Siddiqi 19.05.09