Where Is God? Poem by Andrew Lee

Where is God? (Finding the Presence of God at age 50)

As I reach my 50th year in 2018, I look back at my relatively long life with all its ups and downs.

Born in a poor family in 1969 where my father was an odd job worker (and most of the time unemployed) and my mother was a housewife (who also came from a poor family and worse still, she was an orphan and adopted and worked like a maid in her family) , I struggled and studied hard during my childhood and adolescent years. Further I was born with poor health and anxiety complex and seriously underweight and suffered from fatigue symptoms.

At the age of thirteen, I started to read the Bible and other religious books at the library seriously, trying to find the meaning of life. Thus, I have been exploring and searching and looking for the meaning of life for more than 35 years.

After two and a half years of National Service, I studied at the local university, and started working as an accountant at 25 years old. I worked long hours, with irregular lunch, and even worked during the weekend. After working for 24 years, my health broke down. I suffer from digestive illness, breathing difficulties, fatigue syndrome, and I need to take a rest.

Apart from walking exercise, I visited the public library and read religious and devotional books. Gradually I am convinced that God allows suffering on earth because He is determined to manifest qualities which cannot be found in a peaceful, pain-free heaven.

What are these qualities? They include faith, courage and endurance, in the face of deep sufferings and pain and death on earth. These are the qualities which cannot be found in pain-free heaven and which God is determined to manifest as part of His valuable experiences as a morally tested and proven God.

Thus, this world is a stringent Self-challenge created by God. And the Random Cruel forces that assault this world is permitted by God so that we humans need to partner with the gracious Spirit to bring forth Faith, Courage and Endurance. In this way, God experiences and manifests these qualities on earth through us. This is the way He seeks to reach a Higher Level of Godhood. I call my view: ‘God is biting the bullet theodicy.'

At the human level, God has given each of us free will and moral awareness (conscience, the ability to understand right and wrong) . This basic moral awareness and feelings of sympathy are present in normal human beings. But when a person chooses to ignore the prompting of his moral awareness and conscience (which is the voice of the Spirit) , and commits wrongdoing due to greed, anger, lust and desires, he harms others. This is criminal wrongdoing. He should be duly punished according to the laws of the country. This is moral evil, which includes crimes, robbery, rapes, murders and all sorts of criminal wrongdoing committed by rogue soldiers. And the evil deeds committed by political authoritarian, despotic leaders who launched aggressive wars on others.

There is also natural evil, due to natural laws of physics, such as accidents, earthquakes, disease outbreaks, floods, droughts and famines. Many of these natural evils are beyond the control of humans. These are controlled by Random Harsh forces of nature which God did not intervene in many instances.

To a significant extent, this explains why there is so much pain and sufferings on earth, and why God did not intervene in many instances. For example, armed conflicts in different parts of the world. More than 700,000 suicide every year on earth which means on average, there is 1 suicide in every minute.35 millions have died of AIDS and another 30 millions are infected with and suffering from AIDS. More than 10,000 children died of starvation and treatable diseases every day. Deaths due to mass shootings in the United States. Millions are suffering from poverty and malnutrition presently in the world and in the past many years.Trafficking and exploitation of many young women for illegal sexual services in different developing countries, particularly in Asia. More than 100 millions died during the First and Second World Wars (including the spread of the deadly Spanish Flu during the harsh wartime conditions in First World War) . Millions died during disease outbreaks, earthquakes, famines and floods in the past 5,000 years of human history….

Why did God allownatural and moral evils? In every instance of human sufferings, pain and death, the Holy Spirit of God seeks to partner with each and every Human to struggle and manifest Courage and Endurance. In this way, each Human, regardless of whether he or she is aware or not, is working with the Creator to enable God to reach a Higher Level of Godhood. In my view, this is the Larger Purpose behind the existence of this visible world which is filled with deep pain and sufferings, as well as faith, courage, endurance, love and compassion.

From this perspective, we have not lived in vain. Our pain and sufferings on earth have not been in vain. We have partnered and worked with the Holy Spirit to contribute to God's efforts to attain a Higher Level of Godhood.There is a Larger Purpose and Meaning of our lives on earth.

When we listen to our conscience and moral awareness, we have chosen to partner positively with the voice of the Spirit within us. In this way, we choose to do a few good deeds in our lifetime on earth that enhance the well-being of others.Thus, we have manifested our faith in God, our courage and endurance. Our compassionate intentions and deeds will live in God's Memory.

Collectively, in partnership with and guided by the Holy Spirit, the good intentions and compassionate deeds of humankind work towards God's intention to achieve a Higher Level of Godhood. We have not lived in vain. Our lives on earth have meaning and purpose at this Higher Level.

Best Wishes