Will Of Myself - Poem by Rachel Fogle
Now and again I am reminded of us.
Of what we have and of what we have done.
Now and again it seems unreal and unseen that life can be so cruel and unfair it seems.
You are a passion that I must let go.
For I have a fear down deep in my soul.
That you will be the undoing of a long ago evil,
That I have tried to walk past and yet still seem stuck in this upheaval.
Will Of Myself, this I must have.
To make this step and to not look back.
I do not regret the things we have shared only know that sometimes real life is there.
We have tried to make our own world,
Were only we can be. Yet as always I am alone and you are far from reach.
I new this going in yet somehow blocked it out.
Maybe because I wanted you and us to work out.
I know in my heart that I need more.
For each day that comes I hate myself more.
You have shown me so much,
I can't even describe what beauty you have given me or what wonders I now hold inside.
Yet I still don't think I fit,
In the life that you lead.
I still feel left out and completely unneeded.
Will Of Myself I tell Myself,
That we have tried & failed before.
And still it seems these old demons come down to beat my door.
You have tried over & over to help me see that it all means nothing as long as we can just be.
But there in lies the problem there is lies the thing.
You just never have time to just be with me.
We manage to have a moment or two,
Sometime if were lucky an hour or two.
Yet when I leave I feel more alone,
Knowing that is all I have and that I must just go.
Will Of Myself,
I must leave, before you leaving begins to hurt me.
You are my proudest moment as yet to have come.
Because for the longest time,
I really needed someone.
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