Randy Johnson Poems

(This fictional poem is based on the cartoon character.)

I called the police and reported a rape and they rushed to where I live at.
But they beat me with their sticks when I told them that the victim was a cat.
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The thunder roars and the lightning strikes.
The rain is pouring late at night.
Some people hate thunderstorms.
But I've enjoyed them since the day I was born.
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(This is a fictional poem)

When it comes to my parents, I'm still angry and bitter.
I'm a thirty-six year old man and they still hire babysitters.
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(This is a fictional poem)

I was rushed to the emergency room when I had a bad fall.
The doctors checked time after time but they couldn't find a pulse at all.
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(This is a fictional poem)

Life is so hard because I'm short and ugly too.
I have big pimples and I smell worse than the animals at the zoo.
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He tried to get her a green card but he failed.
He married her so she could stay in America and now he's in jail.
He did what he did because her uncle gave him five grand.
That amount of cash was something that he could not withstand.
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God always opens a window when he shuts a door.
He will take care of you like the times he did before.
You lost your job but God will see to it that another one comes along.
Have faith in the Lord and he'll never steer you wrong.
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(This is a fictional poem)

I like hot dogs with chili and I like them real good.
I'd eat them all day long if I could.
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(This is a fictional poem)

My wife is late again, what am I going to do?
If she's pregnant, this will make child number twenty-two.
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