I watched a bird having a bath
A lovely sight for certain
Then with a fright she spotted me
And pulled the bathroom curtain.
...
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater
A book he wanted instead
I wonder if he ever thought
It was the most violent book he'd read.
...
Spare a thought for my dad's mum
Lost on her way to the curry house
Now she is missing
And so is my naan.
...
The Commons Speaker got into a fight
Now look at the state of him.
Eyes to the left
Nose to the right.
...
The doner kebab married the chipolata.
I can't wait to hear
the pitta platter of tiny meat.
...
A crab stole my credit card
It grabbed it with its claws
For me it was chip and pin
For him it was nip and pinch.
...
Never fall asleep with your head under the pillow
You may wake up with no teeth
But lots of money.
...
Eric the Red was a Viking cannibal
He'd never eat an animal
But he could've eaten a Norse.
...