Tess Connor

A lonely flower in a field
A lonely child does not yield
A lonely star in the night sky
A lonely man gives up to die
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I trust the dirt, I trust the rain
I trust the cars, I trust the train
I trust the secrets, I trust the truth
I trust the old, I trust the youth
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All I want is freedom
Is that too much to ask?
All I yearn for is freedom
I’m stuck inside this flask
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I sit here just wondering
How it got so bad
Reminiscing all the happy times
That I once did have
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There used to be a time where happy families existed
And the love never died out, the longing for love persisted
You and mum once had that love; it soon came to an end
Maybe it was best for us all, maybe a god send
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Mum walks into my bedroom, discovers me on the floor
Drops to her knees and cries, she doesn’t know, she’s not quite sure
If I’m dead or unconscious, I’m just laying there deathly still
She yells to me and shakes me then sees the blood I’ve spilled
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The land of the weak, the home of the brave
The bottomless pit, the mass burial grave
The tremendous stench of the rotting pride
The end of the world, the evil side
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Its fear that whispers to me in my ear, it is fear that I hear say
“You’re afraid of me the most; I’ll hold you back all day”
Its fear which I listen to, to make my every decision
Its fear that helps to guide me on, creating each vision
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It’s time to apologize, it’s way overdue
Say sorry to my razor carved body and my slashed up mind too
Time to say sorry for the trouble and mistakes I’ve made
This apology appears truthful and very much delayed
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I have a special package, one I made for you

It has a special meaning and hopes you find it true.
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I think back to five minutes ago as I sharpened my blade
Sitting on the bathroom floor, my mindset everywhere splayed
Reminiscing all the angry times, from past until this date
Fitting in a state of regret, already it is too late
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I feel pain but I am numb
My soul weeps but I’ve no reason to be sad
I feel claustrophobic yet I live free
I learn yet I am none the wiser
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The best time of our lives, living it free
Gossiping, chattering, holding the key
Knowing success is easily had
While wearing a smile, nothing seems bad
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I was doing so well, everything was going so smooth
I was living in the moment, I’d hidden the razors I use
When I got suddenly struck just out of the blue
With a truckload of hate; a bomb I can’t diffuse
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I say I’m not scared of death, or afraid to die
But maybe I am and this is one big lie
If I weren’t scared, I wouldn’t be writing these things
I’d be out there with my razor doing myself in
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I get a sudden jolt of energy when our eyes catch
The feeling of absolute certainty we are the perfect match
When you hold me close to you and I listen to your beat
I think the most wonderful thoughts and how to me you are so sweet
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quitting feels so easy as I raise the lips
the kisses on my arms, they tickle and trickle
the warming and cooling sensation sets my smile
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Fast flowing blood, pumping through my veins
Slashing it free, releasing my inner pains
Blood trickling slowly, my eyes open wide
Troubles, confusion, no desire to stay alive
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When everyone turns their backs on me, when the world leaves me for dead
I recall all forbidden memories; try to remember what was said
All life’s lessons, all the rules, the things I’m meant to know
Somehow escape my muddled mind; fear and tension begin to grow
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Wrapped up in my true friends arms, a friend worth his weight in gold
Yet I still feel so alone and scared, a little confused and cold
Not knowing where to run to, not knowing where to go
Not seeing the windswept trees, not feeling the rivers flow
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