James James (1949 / Welsh Australian)
Cooking Rhino Stew
Saute water in a pot, bring gently to the boil
Simmer just a little while, add splash of diesel oil
For colour add ten daffodils, a cup of jelly beans
Then stir in six goanna eggs and seven aubergines
Now set to cool and have a glass of vino red or white
Then add some dessicated goat, and stir with all your might.
Wait just a bit to moisturise, (still stirring all the while)
Remember all your yuppy friends, add cup of chamomile.
Turn the heat up, just a touch, allow the stew to thicken
Add more water, pinch of salt, and forty legs of chicken.
Now this is brewing, nice and slow, it's time to bone the rhino
But first, to still those nervous hands, sip just a bit more wino.
Now...... take the rhino by the tail, and quickly turn it over
But if it barks or tries to bite, you're drunk, you've picked up Rover.
So start again and pierce skin, but if it's hard to skewer
It's out of date, so choose again, and find one two years newer.
So now then with one mighty leap, you have the rhino boneless
You slice it into bite size chunks, fat free and nearly foamless (?)
Season well with tumeric, some garlic, mint and pepper
Then set aside for seven days, to marinade more better.
Meanwhile...in the cooking pot, allow the stew to rest
Then add three ferrets and a goose, a lemon tree for zest.
Fold gently in, a kangaroo, a muskrat and a sable
Stir clockwise with a wooden spoon, and anti with a ladle.
At last it's time to add the meat from rhino set aside
Excitement builds magnificent, as in the pot it slides
Now boil 2 weeks on greenhouse gas, while stirring every day
And then enjoy the Bon Repast, washed down with chardonnay.
Comments about this poem (Cooking Rhino Stew by James James )
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