From the three nights I spent with you
'I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) '
Falling asleep was easy the first night.
I hadn’t slept in days, I think, and it felt so nice
being in your arms
until we began to talk about the past.
It really doesn’t bother me when you talk about other girls,
what bothered me was that I was talking about other boys.
Something I knew I shouldn’t have done because
once I start thinking about him, I can’t stop.
You made love to me on the floor and woke up early
to make me coffee and prepare breakfast for you and your family
while Mulan played in the living room.
I thought about how I could get used to mornings like that,
watching old movies, drinking black coffee, and stealing strips of bacon.
But then I began wishing those morning would be with him
instead of you. I’m sorry.
The second night I couldn’t fall asleep since we had
taken cat naps all day.
You snored and I recited the words of the poem that wrap themselves
around my throat whenever you’re around
and when you stirred a little I shut my mouth.
When I saw you were still sleeping, I began to tell you about Jonah,
a boy I’ve been trying to write about
for almost a year now
and when I was done, I fell asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night and laid on top of you
and just as things were winding down for you,
the world started laughing at me.
Your things are mean to me, but that’s okay because they know:
I’m not very good for you.
I told you how everyone leaves. You told me how you didn’t like him.
He’s all I have was all I wanted to say
so I said nothing at all. I am sorry.
The third night I didn’t fall asleep until seven in the morning.
After you told me why Harry Potter makes you sad
you fell asleep and I wrote a poem about how
we both weren’t ready for a relationship. But I kept thinking that
I don’t want to lose you. I didn’t mind then—being in one if I got to be
close to you.
While everyone was swinging they called and said only three
and you weren’t picked as one so you got angry.
When I told you that I was asking for a ride home you said “Good'
and I was reminded of how him and I used to
talk to each like that.
The rest of the hour I kept thinking about how
stupid all of this was now, how it all was losing its matter and
all because I can’t get a grip.
You told me you wanted to sit outside with me so I sat on the pokey grass.
We need a break, you said. I agree, I said.
And I was happy that breaking up was easy this time
until you explained yourself further.
How stupid, I thought. You’re either together or you’re not.
I thought we chose not. You chose the blurry line in between instead,
which I can’t stand right now because just about everything is blurry.
I kissed your cheek as a goodbye after telling you that
it didn’t matter anymore whether you loved me or not because
nothing matters at all.
On the ride home I wished to see his face instead of yours and
I am so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.
Poet's Notes about The Poem
Comments about this poem (From the three nights I spent with you by Sammi Ama )
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