Manny Furious


Fu*kface.... - Poem by Manny Furious

Cruzee Moto
is about 5-feet tall
with round shoulders
a round back
two crooked eyes
one lazy
and a sloppy haircut
that he sometimes slicks back
but when he's drinking
it gets wild
like a field of buckwheat.

He's also a fuc*ing
jackass
and I once souffle'd him
through a glass table
after he challenged me to a wrestling match
because I was on the verge of bedding
some girl he went to high school with
and had wanted to bone for some time.
Or, at least,
that's the best guess I could come up with.

Several years back
my first semester at that college in Rio Frio
I was flunking a math class. The professor
told me that I would have to pass the final exam
with a perfect score
to pass the class.
I spent two days reading the math book
half understanding anything
when El Crow had invited me to a party at his cousin's house.
At first I demurred,
the test was the next day and I needed rest,
I had essentially flunked out of UNECAM
and wasn't looking forward to wasting
my father's money like that again.
Eventually I waffled
and we headed out the party.

I recognized Cruzee Moto
the moment I walked in. He had wrestled
at a rival high school
and we graduated the same year.
He was guarding all the liquor
like most fuc*faces.
We exchanged nods of recognition and he gave me a cerveza.
We talked briefly, but before I knew it
I was alone in an empty bedroom
pitch-black
making out with a beautiful woman
our hands down each others' pants.
I don't remember much about her
least of all her name.
But I remember she was astoundingly gorgeous
beyond my league
must've been the cerveza's
and I remember that she had gone to high school
with Cruzee Moto and was now attending school
in Florida.
Jackpot.
After about 20 minutes of foreplay
however
the cervezas had come back to haunt me. I had to
take a leak.
Badly.
Terribly.
Without mercy.
But I held it in. As best
I could.
10 minutes possibly.
I knew what was coming next
(namely: me)
and I didn't want to postpone it
one second, but I couldn't help it.

'I've
uh
gotta go pee, '
I said finally.

The girl took it in stride.
'That's okay, I'll go
get another beer.'

So I went pee.

I walked back into the kitchen to continue
where we had left off. She said she wanted to finish
her beer and that I should wait for her in the bedroom.
But before
I could
I felt somebody grab me from
around my waist.
I thought it was El Crow
fuc*ing around
but when I turned,
it was Cruzee Moto
and his crooked fucking eyes
staring right at me.

'I always wanted to wrestle you'
he said.

'Yeah, ' I tried to laugh it off
'me too, but we were in different
weight classes.'

'You never beat anyone good, '
he said.

'That's because I wasn't very good.'

El Crow pointed out that I had spent
a good portion of the prior year
wrestling at UNECAM. And that
college wrestling
creates a new man.

Cruzee Moto and his drunken
wrestling stance
would have
none of it.

Before I knew it we
were rolling around the ground.
I was so pissed off
at his cockblocking
that I let him up
and double legged him
so hard I could hear
his neck snap back
and we flew through the air
from one side of the room
to the other and ended
up on a couch at the opposite end.
He was bleeding heavily from his nose
but he wouldn't let up.
I heard El Crow say
to put him in a choke hold but
instead, I lifted him off the ground
and threw him over my head and through
a nearby glass coffee table.
The glass screamed
as it exploded all over the corner of the room and Cruzee Moto
and I spent the next 5 minutes
picking glass from out of various areas of our bodies.

After that, it was pretty late
and any magic was gone for me
(translation: not in the mood to get
a hard on) . So, like so many
nights, I didn't get laid that night
either.

I ended up giving El Crow's cousin $20
for the table. I must've passed my
exam because I got a 'D' on my
report card.
Cruzee Moto
works for the sheriff's
department in
Rio Frio. I see him from time to time
at Wal-Mart.


Comments about Fu*kface.... by Manny Furious

  • Gold Star - 16,117 Points Mandolyn ... (7/19/2014 8:09:00 PM)

    this is a re-post! Referee!
    now i have to un-read it and un-laugh. (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, July 19, 2014

Poem Edited: Saturday, July 19, 2014


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