Katherine Lyczek


I wanted to die


Re written from a wanted to be forgotten past,
you far apart
i awaiting my long remenessed, death
merely wishing
LONGING
for a painful, sufferably ending to my everlasting misery,
for once i had actually begun to endure the pain a little better
accept that you were never coming back
that you hated me
and you never wished to speak again
the pain was beginning to ease...
although never truly lessening,
i merely began to get used to the pain that lingered heavily in my chest
from the wounds of my broken soul
ready and willing to end my life as quickly as it started
however all triumphant wins end with a blasphemous downfall...
wishing my own death, once more,
I cry the last tears i thought i would ever shed
but not tears of sadness
more of shock
my heart screaming in agony and rage i drown in my angsted screams aloud as i sob
hot tears rushing down my face as if it were the first time i had cried
perhaps it was?
my heart dying,
reaching for you as i try to resist..
my heart not plated in steel and binded in diamond crusted collars
never to be opened to anyone again,
i was ready to die
not a care in the world,
my mind then and now vicious with cruel, evil thoughts..
I had become the most negative person in my town.
literally
care no longer existed in my heart
nor compassion
nor empathy...
i could try and apologize for everything i had done..
but i already had, ...
and what good had that done?
nada... none
zero..
not a wing.. However, I forgave you.. I forgave myself.
I forgave everything of what happened.. I merely hope you can do the same,
despite how badly i've hurt so many people..
especially you,
the one with the ultimate power to make or break me..
will be kind enough..
to let the past go and work on the future
for i am ready now, to spend the rest of whatever life i have left
with you
only you.
I truly love you
whether or not it matters to you..
or applys to your emotions as well...
my heart never left you
even when i was left in the dark by my own pittyful attempts to gain your attention.
despite the pain that lingers inside
the broken trust i am trying so hard to regain
but that doesn't make sense to me...
for i still trust you..
completely..
i guess.
i'm just scared to be torn apart again
for i will not last if something goes amiss once more.
that is a cold
hard
fact
of my life
i'm sorry
but still, and always,
i love you

Submitted: Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 25, 2013

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